BOTTLE POST 6: HORRORS REAL AND IMAGINED
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Horrors Real and Imagined
As I write this week’s Bottle Post, the world around me stands in stark contrast to the words spinning in my head. Outside my window, the autumn leaves are falling. My PA has placed a big pumpkin in my room. Friends and family are getting all excited about höstfester, Halloween parties, Bonfire Night, Diwali and Thanksgiving.
Spooktober is a time when horror and spook take a whimsical, almost endearing form. We’re inundated with ghostly decorations, monster-themed parties, haunted house tours and, in this case, invitations to virtual spookfestivities playing out on imaginary pirate ships and real-life websites. It’s all in good fun. A way of taking the darkness that inevitably exists in the world and making it more bearable on some level.
Personally, I don’t like horror. I don’t read it, I don’t watch it and I don’t write it. (Unless my shockingly bad poetry counts.) For over a year now, I have even had my news intake restricted. Yet, for all my attempts to avoid things that ruin my sleep and darken my thoughts, the realities of life have been pretty dang grim for the past three-and-a-half years.
Today, my heart aches for all the souls taken in moments of senseless violence this month alone. Whether it was in Israel, Palestine, Brussels, Arras, Pul-i-Khumri or a school corridor somewhere in America, each of these events – as varied in scale and geopolitical significance as they may be – have one thing in common: they are human tragedies. They are unspeakable horrors of which we must speak, no matter what we think, no matter what we believe to be true.
You might wonder why, in a time like this, we’re still celebrating the season of horror. For me, the answer is resilience. I abhor horror. I don’t revel in the macabre and find no joy in suffering. In fact, I don’t think any sane person does. No, if anything, I believe the reason we celebrate or observe this season is because it helps us cope with the terror around us. It helps us process the senseless and that which we cannot control.
It also gives us an opportunity to honour the memory of our loved ones in the best ways we know how. This is not to say we have to carve a scary face on a bell pepper, turnip or pumpkin before the end of October lest we forget them. Our dead are always with us, their legacies interwoven with our own, but in a normal working week, we rarely take the time to really think about our roots. Halloween, Hallowe’en, All Saints, Allhelgonahelgen, Day of the Dead – no matter by what name we call it – grants us that time.
While the season encourages us to imagine horrors in the form of vampires, oversized spiders and zombies, let’s not forget the real ones that impact our lives every day. Maybe, just maybe, as we go about our autumnal traditions, we can infuse them with a deeper sense of purpose. Then we can see them as a reminder to cherish the life we have and to hold our loved ones a little closer. Because life, as we’ve been harshly reminded this month, is fragile.
THE SENSE IN THE SENSELESS
Spooktober is a time when horror and spook take a whimsical, almost endearing form. We’re inundated with ghostly decorations, monster-themed parties, haunted house tours and, in this case, invitations to virtual spookfestivities playing out on imaginary pirate ships and real-life websites. It’s all in good fun. A way of taking the darkness that inevitably exists in the world and making…
SPOOK QUOTES
Picture this: What if we were to smash our clever noggins together and create a carefully curated cornucopia of eerie exclamations and unsettling utterances? It could span time and space, from the relentless raven in Poe’s poetic masterpiece to the ancient draugr that haunt frozen fjords, all the way to modern-day alien invasions disrupting college campus Halloween parties.
MURDER HE WROTE, Pt. 2
They had not been able to lay her out on the ethereal desk, her being still corporal, at least that mortal part of her left behind after whatever had happened to her. Briefly, Ernesto wondered where her immortal part might be. His job would be a damn sight easier if her ghost would have the good manners to turn up and give him the nod on who had dealt the killing blow.
COME WRITE WITH US
Did you like the Cap’s attempt to write sweet romance? Whether it’s a yes, a no or a meh, we invite ye to unleash your own storytelling skills with us this season. Your story or poem must be related to pirates, of course, and no more than 5,000 words long. We will share our favourites…
TOP SPOOK READS 2023
Help us pick and rank the spookiest books for the season. Share your favourite titles with us, and we’ll add the four with the most votes each week to the Top List below. Then we’ll sort them based on the number of votes they receive in time for the Spook Ball on the last Sunday of October.
(BAD) SPOOK JOKES
Can we interest you in a page of (bad) spook jokes and riddles where the puns are as dead as the undead? Are you ready to learn why the ghost got kicked out of the party? Do you know why the vampire was terrible at relationships? Or which day of the week is the werewolf’s favourite?
COME WRITE WITH US
Did you like the Cap’s attempt to write sweet romance? Whether it’s a yes, a no or a meh, we invite ye to unleash your own storytelling skills with us this season. Your story or poem must be related to pirates, of course, and no more than 5,000 words long. We will share our favourites…
SPOOKY PIRATE FARE
Fancy some Cursed Gold Cornbread, Witch’s Brew Punch, the elusive Kraken Octo-Dog? From haunting hors d’oeuvres to demonic desserts, our recipes promise a party that’s not just about tricks. Wanna share yours?
RANDOM SPOOK TRIVIA
Have you ever wondered why people carve pumpkins into jagged-toothed guardians of the night? Are you curious about the spine-chilling stories that birthed the myth of the Headless Horseman?
HAUNTED WORD SEARCHES
Words are sorely needed here, but they have all been jumbled up and disappeared into the grids. This is a game that doesn’t really need too much of an explanation. There are loads of Spooktober-related words in here. Can you find them all?
SEXY VAMPIRE FILMS
All our vampire-related content in a single space where it is easy to find. Especially during spook season. We are always happy to get feedback from you, so if there is something we have missed or something you’d like to add, please let us know.
Have You Read Our Latest Ship’s Logs?
NANO AND NOVEMBER RAIN
This week, I was going to tell you about my work, my writing and some interesting projects I’ve got a finger or two in. Sadly, I received news that, on top of all the other terrors this month has brought, led me to change the plan. It didn’t sit right with me to pretend all was well when things were so terribly wrong. It will be available on our website in case you’d like to read it
PRIMING THE PUMP
Last week, the Quartermaster returned to his desk for a while and penned a pump-priming missive to get us all in the mood for some festive fun. We got an update on work in progress that included a newly launched podcast, The Snuggery, where the topic of the season is old vampire films. The first two episodes are out and there’s a link to them down below.
Come Read With Us…
The last two weeks have been really hard with the two of us battling allergies, seasonal colds, spoonie flares and other nonsense. Looking back, I am really proud of the work we have done in spite of all that.
Now it’s time to rest and read under the stars again, and as usual, there’s space for you too. I’m not sure what Sir Bear has picked for us, but I do know this: We’ll be cuddling up to recharge and recuperate and then we’ll be back on Thursday with Linn’s regular Ship’s Log.
Thank you for popping in to see us today. Here’s wishing you a spiffin’ new week filled with love, lust and laughter.
Boo for now,
//Sir Bear & pet 🏴☠️
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Image Cred: Bear images and tarot cards made with MidJourney. All other images are licensed from Canva Pro.
ABOUT LETO ARMITAGE
Leto Armitage was born in America under a set of circumstances that prophesied that he would one day unite the lost tribes and return the Ever Summer. Somewhere around twelve, he realized he had been left unsupervised and binged too many Arthurian movies in his formative years and that he was just another kid who accidentally got an education while reading above his age level.
By the time he turned old enough to get a passport, he started finding excuses to travel determined to find out what culture, food and women there were to experience. After learning to grill in Oaxaca, do kinbaku in Japan, and being banned from several former Soviet block countries, he returned home to settle down and see what damage he could do locally.
After working jobs including being a short order cook, bodyguarding strippers and professionally doing reader’s advisory for erotica he realized the most reasonable path forward was to become a writer. Today he lives with cats, dogs, and humans who seem to like him despite actually knowing him. He prefers to sit on his back deck, listening to the birds and Barry the Bumblebear bee, while he writes cozy, uplit romance and raunchy erotica.
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