BOTTLE POST 5: SPOOK FEST WEEK 3
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Bottle Post 5: Halloween Special
Welcome to the third Spook-tacular Spookfest Sunday where we’re about to embrace the season’s darker days and longer nights with tales and trivia to make any ghost ship seem like a pleasure cruise! I’ve ordered the crew to cast their nets far and wide, trawling the haunted depths of their imaginations for a smörgåsbord of seasonal fare.
I think I can safely say that, between the chilling murder investigation led by an actual ghost, and the kind of games, jokes and riddles that would tickle even a banshee’s funny bone, we’ve managed to serve up quite a feast today. So, what say we grab our favourite grogs and munch our way through each of these delightful dishes together?
I promise, there are no tricks in here, so you can sit back, relax, and treasure your treats in peace. Happy haunting, me hearties!
MURDER HE WROTE
One of our passengers, Fanny, was found dead after last week’s spookfest at Smugglers Cove. In this chilling, three-part murder mystery we get to follow Ernesto – our resident ghost writer and assistant librarian – as he follows the clues and interviews the suspects. Can he figure out whodunit? Can you? And will this be Papa’s latest bestseller?
SPOOK QUOTES
Picture this: A carefully curated cornucopia of eerie exclamations and unsettling utterances that span time and space. From the relentless raven that croaks Nevermore in Poe’s poetic masterpiece, to the tales of Norse draugr that haunt frozen fjords, all the way to modern-day alien invasions that disrupt American college campus Halloween parties.
TOP SPOOK READS 2023
For our Spook Reads challenge, we want you to pick the books. Let us know what your favourite spook reads are, and we’ll add the four with the most votes each week to the Top List below. Then we’ll sort them based on the number of votes they receive in time for the Spook Ball on the last Sunday of October.
JACK-O’-BELL PEPPERS
When I met the dwarven engineer Cerran my first impression was that I didn’t know you could have a little people dwarf but then I realized it was age. He had folded in upon himself as if the weight of years had crushed him. I had thought dwarves aged like stone but he was more like a man and simply…
(BAD) SPOOK JOKES
Can we interest you in a page of (bad) spook jokes and riddles where the puns are as dead as the undead? Are you ready to learn why the ghost got kicked out of the party? Do you know why the vampire was terrible at relationships? Or which day of the week is the werewolf’s favourite?
COME WRITE WITH US
Did you like the Cap’s attempt to write sweet romance? Whether it’s a yes, a no or a meh, we invite ye to unleash your own storytelling skills with us this season. Your story or poem must be related to pirates, of course, and no more than 5,000 words long. We will share our favourites…
SPOOKY PIRATE FARE
Fancy some Cursed Gold Cornbread, Witch’s Brew Punch, the elusive Kraken Octo-Dog? From haunting hors d’oeuvres to demonic desserts, our recipes promise a party that’s not just about tricks. Wanna share yours?
RANDOM SPOOK TRIVIA
Have you ever wondered why people carve pumpkins into jagged-toothed guardians of the night? Are you curious about the spine-chilling stories that birthed the myth of the Headless Horseman?
HAUNTED WORD SEARCHES
Words are sorely needed here, but they have all been jumbled up and disappeared into the grids. This is a game that doesn’t really need too much of an explanation. There are loads of Spooktober-related words in here. Can you find them all?
SEXY VAMPIRE FILMS
All our vampire-related content in a single space where it is easy to find. Especially during spook season. We are always happy to get feedback from you, so if there is something we have missed or something you’d like to add, please let us know.
Have Your Read Our Latest Ship’s Logs?
PRIMING THE PUMP
This week, the Quartermaster returned to his desk for a while and penned a pump-priming missive to get us all in the mood for some festive fun. We got an update on work in progress that included a newly launched podcast, The Snuggery, where the topic of the season is old vampire films. The first two episodes are out and there’s a link to them down below. We also got the promised mid-coital charcuterie board and dang was it a sight to behold. If there is one thing you can count on it’s that Sir Bear caters to all of the senses, regardless of platform or format.
MYS, MEN AND MENTAL HEALTH
Last week, the Captain did a Katie Porter and reclaimed her quill when we were expecting a regular Ship’s Log from the grizzled sea bear himself – Quartermaster Leto Armitage. What we got instead was a theme tour discussing the importance of investing in things that help boost one’s mental health. Even more important if you are, or care for, a Bear. We looked at how things like mys – click the button below to find out what it means – doing menial tasks like swabbing the deck, and having access to a mentor to lean on can make a huge difference.
Come Read With Us…
The last two weeks have been really hard with the two of us battling allergies, seasonal colds, spoonie flares and other nonsense. Looking back, I am really proud of the work we have done in spite of all that.
Now it’s time to rest and read under the stars again, and as usual, there’s space for you too. I’m not sure what Sir Bear has picked for us, but I do know this: We’ll be cuddling up to recharge and recuperate and then we’ll be back on Thursday with Linn’s regular Ship’s Log.
Thank you for popping in to see us today. Here’s wishing you a spiffin’ new week filled with love, lust and laughter.
Boo for now,
//Sir Bear & pet 🏴☠️
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Image Cred: Bear images and tarot cards made with MidJourney. All other images are licensed from Canva Pro.
ABOUT LETO ARMITAGE
Leto Armitage was born in America under a set of circumstances that prophesied that he would one day unite the lost tribes and return the Ever Summer. Somewhere around twelve, he realized he had been left unsupervised and binged too many Arthurian movies in his formative years and that he was just another kid who accidentally got an education while reading above his age level.
By the time he turned old enough to get a passport, he started finding excuses to travel determined to find out what culture, food and women there were to experience. After learning to grill in Oaxaca, do kinbaku in Japan, and being banned from several former Soviet block countries, he returned home to settle down and see what damage he could do locally.
After working jobs including being a short order cook, bodyguarding strippers and professionally doing reader’s advisory for erotica he realized the most reasonable path forward was to become a writer. Today he lives with cats, dogs, and humans who seem to like him despite actually knowing him. He prefers to sit on his back deck, listening to the birds and Barry the Bumblebear bee, while he writes cozy, uplit romance and raunchy erotica.
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