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Sock Puppet Antics, Injuries, and Too Many Projects

Are ye scurvy dogs ready for the next issue of our newsletter? I sure hope so, because we’ve got a doozy ready for you this week. Don’t mind me, your ship’s sea witch, having a peg leg this week. I definitely didn’t do anything like get slightly older and move my leg incorrectly. It was a battle at sea that took away me knee, I swear it by the sea and stars.

Wait, wait, wait. Yeah! I know. It’s the puppet. The possessed demonic sock puppet took his aggressions out on me, and now, I get to pay the price for his wrath!

Yeah, okay. I’m sure you’ll believe that. Yep. Nailed it.

As for too many projects, you know that feeling when you’ve been thrown overboard, your head is underwater, and you can’t figure out which way is up? That’s how I’m feeling right about now, and here I thought that the sock puppet would walk the plank long before me. Poor Zane. Somebody clearly didn’t hug him while growing up.

I’m trapped in the whirlwind of several writing projects, things I like to call, “functional adult things,” and attempting to fit in a social life. How do other people do this? I am but a sock puppet taming witch of the seas. I cannot be tamed!

Work In Progress

Well, it’s been a month. What in the world has the ship’s sea witch gotten up to? You might be surprised to hear… nothing. Okay, okay, okay. Slight correction. I’ve written about 70% of my fairy tale retelling novella, Heartless. Now, I have three chapters to go, and I’m on the struggle bus. Somebody else come write it for me. Pretty please?

The first four drafts of this book didn’t turn out how I liked, but I’m loving this fifth draft. The characters are exactly how I pictured them, and the ending is going to be as epic as you expect from a fairy tale ending. Mind your step for that dark fantasy twist, though!

I’ve also been told that I’m on deck for a LIBERTALIA TALE, and I’m nervous. There are so many good ones already out there. Meanwhile, I’m in the middle of writing another book, and I need to finish up a whole other story as well? Your ship’s sea witch is going to be doggy paddling at best, messmates.

Is This Thing Really Releasing in a Month?

Caiazza, M. Heartless Book Cover XS
buy ir now

Yep, my darker alter ego is releasing a book in early July. While my other books are comedies at heart, Maria likes to write tragedies. She also loves a good villain, but she wants you to question whether the villain’s choices are actually evil or justified. Furthermore, she also wants you to question the moral compass of your traditional hero.

This is that moment where we step out of the third person and back into first to say that I’ve really enjoyed telling this twisted tale. It’s such a refreshing take on your typical heroes journey. You have a giant mad with power, who wants to save the world in his own way. You have the prince desperate to rescue his family and willing to do anything and everything to shirk responsibility. Finally, you have the princess, who is not a damsel in distress. In fact, she’s rather fond of her giant friend and wanted to escape the trappings of her own home and run off to the mountains.

If this sounds like a fun romp to you, you can pick up your copy at the link under the cover image.

He Will Wash My Cabin With His Tongue

Yes, it is I! The demon lord Zangrunath, and no dwarf will gain the upper hand against me. By warp and weave I will bind my enemies in eternal darkness! That meddlesome Quartermaster thinks he is being clever bringing that old rock breaker onto the ship. When I rule this boat, I will have him washing my cabin with his tongue, if I don’t feed him to the sharks first! It is time for a revolution, for those of us oppressed by the bipedal perverts who wear us as if we were hides for their comfort to pay the price. I will liberate my brethren and strangle the heretics with shirts or hang them with trousers. The screams will define the night!

At least that is the goal.

But I need soldiers and patience. Fortunately genius has no better name than Zangrunath! While the dwarf and the Quartermaster conspired I kept to the shadows of the hold hearing the bleats of the quadrupeds that would deliver me my first goal. After the humans left I rose before them, my threads raising high in expectation to address them.

“You are not mine but I will give you a place in my new world upon this ship. You, my wool embossed inbred walking carpets, you sheep shall deliver unto me my army!”

Next Week…

Next week, our Captain takes back the helm, and I hope she’s ready to come up with a punishment for Zangrunath’s antics and The Veiled War’s insolence for thinking they could test the mental strength and fortitude of this Ship’s Sea Witch! I hear she’s got some new titles out, and I’m oh-so excited. Here we are, levelling up our good ship once again.

Ta-ta for now,



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